Kat (![[info]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} katling) wrote,@ 2008-04-02 13:20:00 |
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FIC: HP - Twist Of Fate (3/?)
Title: Twist of Fate (3/?)
Rating: PG at the moment
Pairings: None yet but they're coming - probably some canon, some not, slash is likely in future chapters
Summary: What if instead of solidifying the enmity between the Marauders and Snape, the incident in Sixth Year created something of an epiphany in James? What if he saw how dangerous their pranks were becoming, how Sirius had nearly killed Snape and how utterly unfair Dumbledore had been? What if he decided it was time things changed?
Disclaimer: Unfortunately Harry and his friends and teachers are not mine. I wish they were though.
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2
Chapter 3
James paced back and forth across the length of the Room of Requirement, which looked like a mix of the Gryffindor common room and James’ living room at home. The boy’s face with pulled into a fierce scowl and he was running his hand through his hair almost constantly.
“Bloody hell, Prongs. Sit down,” Sirius said with exasperation from where he was slouched on a fat, squashy couch, Remus sitting beside him. “You’re starting to look like a Head Boy.”
James looked down reflexively at the Head Boy badge pinned to the front of his school robes. He still hadn’t gotten used to seeing it and he couldn’t imagine what the Headmaster had been thinking by choosing him. Lily didn’t seem too pleased either. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair again as he stopped pacing and threw himself into one of the armchairs.
“He’s late.”
“He’s probably just having a little difficulty getting away,” Remus said calmly. “You know Slytherins are more suspicious than Gryffindors.”
James’ reply was interrupted by the door opening and Severus slipping quickly into the room. The Slytherin looked around the cheerful room with a scowl then stalked over and collapsed into one of the empty armchairs.
“You look like hell,” James said bluntly. It was nothing but the truth. Severus looked paler than usual, drawn and harried. James could swear that he was even thinner than he’d been the last time they’d seen him in the holidays.
“Why, thank you,” Severus said sardonically. “You’re too kind.”
James gave him an irritated look. “Well, you do,” he said with a hint of petulance before shaking away the mood. “Is everything alright? Or as alright as it’s going to be?”
Severus grimaced and actually sprawled a little further in the armchair. The three Gryffindors had never seen him sit like that and all three suspected it had more to do with exhaustion than relaxation.
“Moody’s lessons were effective,” he said grimly. “He thinks I am something of a prodigy when it comes to Occlumency. I believe am simply highly motivated. Either way, the lessons have been effective.”
“You’ve met... him,” James said, looking unhappy.
“Three days before we returned to school,” Severus said with a curt nod.
“Have you joined?” Sirius asked. He looked uncomfortable and grim.
Severus shook his head. “No. He wants to wait until after I have left Hogwarts. He puts some sort of mark on his followers and he doesn’t want Dumbledore to get wind of it.” He sighed irritably. “And before you ask, no, I do not know what the mark is or where it goes. He didn’t feel that I should know that sort of information.”
“Is he going to leave you alone during the year?” Remus asked.
Severus shook his head. “Of course not. He doesn’t want me having any second thoughts, does he?”
“But he used Legilimency on you?” James asked, turning the conversation back to where he wanted it.
“Yes,” Severus said with a visible shudder.
“Merlin,” James muttered, running his hand through his hair yet again. “Was it... bad?”
“It was unpleasant,” Severus said in a tone of voice that did not invite any further questions.
There was a moment of silence in the room then Remus spoke carefully, “Are you going to be able to get away much this year?”
Severus was staring into the fireplace as he nodded. “Slughorn’s given me a private laboratory this year. The doors warded so that only he and I can open it since he’s going to let me do some substantial experimentation this year. It’ll be easy enough to claim that I have been there and easy enough to sneak out and come here. I know the dungeons better than any of the other Slytherins.”
“Good,” James said with a small grin. “Playing pranks wouldn’t be anywhere near as much fun without you to add that completely despicable Slytherin touch.”
Severus gave him a sardonic look. “I was of the opinion that the Head Boy is supposedly be an example of what students should be like, not a walking example of ‘don’t be like this boy’.”
James pretended to look hurt as Sirius and Remus laughed. “Hey! I resemble that remark.”
“I know,” Severus replied still in that sardonic tone.
James folded his arms across his chest and affected a superior look. “Huh, I don’t care what any of you think. I’ll be the best damn Head Boy Hogwarts has ever seen and in doing so I’ll dazzle Evans with my brilliance and she’ll finally say yes when I ask her out.”
James grinned at Sirius and Remus, who were both laughing. Remus had his eyes on James but Sirius had glanced over at Severus and only he saw the brief look of pain, loneliness and hurt on the other boy’s face when Lily Evans’ name was mentioned before it was replaced with a look of mild irritation. Sirius tucked that look away for later thought then turned back to teasing James.
“The only way you’ll be dazzling Evans is with the reflection from your glasses,” Sirius said with a grin.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” James grumbled good-naturedly. Given the expression on Lily’s face when they’d met after the Welcoming Feast, Sirius was more likely to be right than he was, still he wasn’t going to give up hope and maybe he could convince her that Severus was alright. They’d been friends after all and it was kind of his fault that they weren’t anymore. Severus was going through hell right now and he deserved to have his friend back. The thought made James feel good and he vowed he’d make it happen somehow.
****************************************
Severus sat in one of the large, comfortable armchairs the Room of Requirement had conjured and steadfastly ignored the way it had manufactured something that was a strange mix of the Gryffindor and Slytherin common rooms. Instead he concentrated on reading his Transfiguration textbook in preparation for class tomorrow. He wasn’t due to meet the Gryffindors tonight but all of them had taken to using the Room of Requirement as a way of escaping from the pressures of their final year.
In his case it was also an escape from the constant pressure from outside the school, something that had not abated in the two months since they’d returned. He received an owl every week from Lucius and semi-regular owls from Rodolphus, Rabastan and other senior Death Eaters. It seemed that Voldemort had no intention of letting him go now that he’d gotten his claws into him.
The door to the room suddenly opened and Severus’ hand went immediately to his wand as he tensed and waited for whoever it was to enter. It should be one of the Gryffindor boys since he’d instructed the Room of Requirement to only permit them to enter but it wasn’t out of the realms of possibility that it could be someone else.
“It’ll be fine,” came the voice of James Potter shortly before the boy in question appeared. He seemed to be holding someone’s hand. “We use this place all the time. The house elves call it the Come and Go Room but it’s actually the Room of Requirement.”
James’ companion walked into the room with a very dubious expression on her face and Severus paled, a myriad of emotions flooding through him at the sight of her with James. Pain, hurt, loneliness, loss, anger, despair, jealousy and even a hint of hatred swirled around inside before he managed to school his expression into a blank mask and close his book with a bang.
James jumped at the sudden sound and whirled around, his eyes widening when he saw that the room already had an occupant… which kind of explained the décor. It wasn’t quite what he’d been aiming for after all.
“Bloody... Severus,” he said with surprise. “What are you doing here?”
“Studying,” Severus said archly as he held up his Transfiguration book, determinedly not looking at Lily. He didn’t want to know what expression she had on her face. He was certain he wouldn’t like it. “McGonagall mentioned a quiz tomorrow and I would like to be prepared for it.”
James relaxed and snorted. “As if you wouldn’t be. You’re third in the class at Transfiguration,” he said with a grin.
A look of confusion grew on Lily’s face as she watched the interaction between the two boys. Only yesterday lunchtime, the two of them had been at each other’s throats, snarling vile insults and threats at each other. But now they seemed to be... well, friendly, even apparently teasing each other. It was bizarre.
Her gaze drifted over to Severus and concern immediately washed over even though she tried to be irritated. She’d thought her former best friend had been looking even paler and more stressed than usual when she’d seen him in the Great Hall but he went to great lengths to stay well away from her so she hadn’t been able to confirm it. But now that she could see him close up, her thoughts were confirmed. What in Merlin’s name had Severus been doing to get himself into that state? She frowned; she’d promised herself she wasn’t going to care about someone who would call her such a horrible name. A tiny voice piped up that he had apologised and he had been sincere, she knew him well enough to see that, and she frowned and pushed that thought away.
“James?” she said warily, looking back at her fellow Gryffindor.
James ran a hand through his hair and wondered how he was going to explain this. Moody had been so adamant that they not tell anyone but he’d forgotten to keep up the illusion when he’d seen Severus here because he wasn’t used playing the role here. The Room of Requirement was their place. The only damn place in the school where they could just be themselves.
“I... believe Lily can be trusted,” Severus said in a neutral tone.
James looked over at the other boy and saw how steadfastly Severus was avoiding looking at Lily. A determined expression grew on James’ face and he pulled Lily further into the room and closed the door.
“You’re right, Severus,” he said, gaining a startled look from Lily. He gestured for Lily to sit down on the couch and joined her. He then took a good look at Severus and frowned. “Merlin, Severus, are you actually sleeping at all at night?”
Severus scowled at him. “Of course I am.”
“Because you look like hell,” James said bluntly.
“You’re too kind,” Severus said snidely. He was well aware of what he looked like. He didn’t much care for looking at himself in a mirror but he did on occasion and he knew he looked drawn and his skin was so pale it almost looked sallow.
“Severus,” James said with exasperation.
Severus sighed and leaned back in his armchair. “What did you expect?” he asked with a mix of weariness and annoyance.
“Would someone like to tell me what’s going on here?” Lily said, looking at the two boys with irritation.
James rubbed the back of his neck and gave her a sheepish look. “Ah, sorry. It’s... well, it’s kind of a long story.”
He slowly detailed the incident on the full moon last year, what Sirius had done, what he had done and how he’d started thinking afterwards. He told her about the approach to Severus and how they’d formed a very unlikely but very real friendship. He then continued on about the events of the summer, the deaths of Severus’ parents and the plan they were going ahead with. By the time he finished, Lily’s eyes were wide and she had one hand over her mouth as she stared at James.
She slowly turned and stared at Severus. The Slytherin boy was staring at the floor, his hair falling forward and shielding part of his face. He was still and silent and what could be seen of his face was utterly blank.
Lily hardly knew what to think. It was obvious from James’ expression and Severus’ reaction that it was only the truth she’d been told. Part of her was so angry with Severus for even thinking about joining the Death Eaters. She’d told him how horrible those ‘friends’ of his were. But there was another part that was slowly getting larger that was asking very quietly whether part of this was her fault. That if she hadn’t turned her back on Severus, hadn’t robbed him of the one friend who wasn’t neck deep in the Death Eaters, that maybe he would have turned away before it all went to hell.
“Severus?” she asked softly and watched as Severus raised his head slightly, giving her a wary look as though he expected her to start yelling at him. The stubborn, unrelenting part of her just crumbled at that and she suddenly suspected that that quiet voice in her head was more right then she wanted to admit.
“Oh, Sev,” she said in a tear-filled voice. She leapt out of her chair and hurried over to where Severus was sitting. She leaned down and despite the awkward angle she threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly. She felt him stiffen in her embrace but she just held on until he slowly relaxed and returned it. He’d never been good with people touching him but you just had to persist and let him realise you weren’t going to hurt him.
“I’m so sorry,” she said when she finally let him go. “I was angry and you apologised and you meant it, I know you did, and I was such a bitch and can you ever forgive me?”
Severus gave her a startled look then ducked his head for a moment. When he raised his head again, he looked somehow more relaxed and yet still so tense. But still, there was a small smile on his face, one of the few genuine smiles James had ever seen on the other boy.
“Of course,” he said quietly.
Lily relaxed and grinned. “But you’re going to torment me about it forever, aren’t you?”
Severus straightened and arched his eyebrow. “I am a Slytherin.”
Lily laughed then returned to the couch. She sat there and stared at the floor for a moment then turned to James.
“So that... argument between the two of you yesterday was just a... a fake?”
James grinned and nodded. “It was Severus’ idea to keep up the illusion of us being enemies. I’m not sure I like that but I guess he’s got a point. It’d make things really difficult for him at the moment if You-Know-Who suspected we were friends.”
“As opposed to the difficulty I currently find myself in?” Severus said archly, setting his book aside and settling more comfortably in his chair.
“Well, yeah, but at least he thinks you’re loyal,” James replied. “He might doubt that a bit more if he knew we were friends.”
“Sev, are you sure this is wise?” Lily asked, her voice filled with worry. “And how did you end up in this situation anyway?”
“I have no choice,” Severus said flatly. “As for how I ended up here... many reasons.”
Lily looked troubled. “Was what I did part of that?”
Severus looked away. In a sense Lily’s complete rejection of him had pushed him towards Avery and Mulciber and the Death Eaters because he’d simply had no other option but he didn’t really want to admit that to her.
“Not a large part,” he said quietly.
“But a part,” Lily said unhappily.
Severus hesitated then nodded, still not looking at Lily.
Lily sighed then gave James a small, sad smile when he placed his hand on top of hers. Neither of them saw Severus glance over at them, see their joined hands and wince, pain flickering through his eyes before he looked away again.
“It doesn’t matter now,” Severus said brusquely. “What’s done is done.”
Lily nodded slowly. “I still regret it and I am sorry.”
Severus gave her a tiny quirk of a smile. “Redhead’s temper.”
Lily laughed quietly. “Yeah, maybe. Stupid reason though.”
James was watching them through this with interest and just a little touch of the old green-eyed monster. It was obvious that the two of them had a history, it was there in the way they talked to each other and the way Severus allowed Lily to touch him so easily. He just wished he and Lily could be like that.
Suddenly Lily affected a very arch and amused look. “I told you Avery and Mulciber were bad news.”
Severus rolled his eyes. “Yes, mother,” he said sardonically.
“Do you really want to call me that?” Lily said, her eyes narrowing.
Severus pretended to consider it then smirked. “Yes, I do.”
Lily glared at him then laughed and gave him a mock-scowl. “You’re impossible, Sev.”
James grinned at the Slytherin. “Hey, do I get to call you Sev as well?”
Severus arched an eyebrow. “No, you do not,” he said primly. “You have not known me since we were nine.”
James laughed and decided that they had to come up with a nickname for Severus. Their nicknames came from their animagus forms and they sure as hell couldn’t use Snivellus but he was sure they could think of something.
He put that thought aside for now and concentrated on what was going on between Severus and Lily. It was a little tentative at times, occasionally hesitant but it really looked like two friends reconnecting. James felt pretty damn pleased about that even if this wasn’t quite the way he’d meant to do this.
****************************************
Severus curled up in the large comfortable armchair the Room of Requirement had provided and glared at the rest of the room. Once again it had provided something that looked like a mix between the Slytherin and Gryffindor common rooms and he wondered what exactly was going through his mind that brought it about because he was fairly certain he was thinking about the Slytherin common room when he came here.
At least none of the teachers was likely to find him in the Room of Requirement and that was the main reason he’d chosen to hide here. Why Dumbledore had insisted on throwing a Yule Ball this year was beyond him. He’d have gone home to avoid it but home would put him within easy access of Lucius and the other Death Eaters and as bad as a Yule Ball was, it was far preferable to spending Christmas at the Malfoys or at some other Death Eater event. At least here he could hide.
He’d ensured that Slughorn couldn’t single him out and complain as well. He’d turned up, made sure his Head of House knew he was there and then found a dark corner to hide in. He’d only left when he’d seen Lily dancing with James, laughing and clearly enjoying herself enormously. He knew she’d be irritated with him for not at least talking to her but he just couldn’t stand there are watch her with James. It was things like that made him wish he still hated the Gryffindor boy. It would be so much easier if he did instead of having to pretend that he was pleased that Lily was going out with James.
The sound of the door opening dragged him out of his thoughts and he turned the glare he’d been directing at the rest of the room on whoever had just walked in the door.
“Whoa! Put that thing away,” Sirius said, holding up his hands, the edge of a grin lurking on his face.
Severus grumbled and turned to stare into the fireplace. He heard Sirius walk over and flop down into the armchair opposite his.
“So you seem to be as thrilled as I am about this ball thing,” Sirius observed.
Severus gave Sirius a suspicious look. “I would have thought you’d be in your element,” he said with a sneer. “Don’t you change girlfriend or boyfriend every other week? Shouldn’t you be trawling the crowd for a new one?”
Sirius shrugged and stared into the fireplace. “Nah, I’ve been out with everyone interesting who’ll have me. The rest are boring or evil or annoying.” He sighed. “Besides it’s no fun this time. Prongs is too busy mooning over Evans. Moony’s too busy mooning after Sarah and Peter’s actually managed to find himself a girlfriend as well. James didn’t even want to play a prank on the Slytherins.”
“Poor Black. Left all alone,” Severus said mockingly though he had noted the slightly bitter tinge to Black’s words.
Sirius snorted then gave Severus a long, intense look. “You’re in love with Evans, aren’t you?”
Severus froze for a moment then he scowled. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Thought so,” Sirius said with a nod.
Severus’ scowl deepened and he abruptly turned to stare at the fire. “What does it matter?” he said bitterly. “She has never seen me as anything other than a friend.”
“Is that bad?”
Severus was silent for a long moment then shook his head. “She was my first friend. I would rather have her friendship than nothing. I have done that once already.”
Sirius nodded even though Severus wasn’t looking at him. “Ever thought that way about anyone else?”
Severus snorted as he continued to look into the fire. “Does it matter if I had? I am well aware of what I look like, Black.”
“Looks aren’t everything,” Sirius said lightly.
“This from the man who could be the definition of handsome,” Severus sneered.
Sirius arched an eyebrow. “You noticed?” he said with a grin.
Severus twitched then gave Sirius a short, snide look. “Given the sheer amount of stupidity so often displayed by the girls in our classes, how could one avoid it?”
Sirius however had noticed that twitch and he leaned forward slightly. “But you noticed?”
Severus froze then he gave Sirius a narrow-eyed look. “What are you after, Black?”
“My first name?” Sirius replied.
“You don’t use mine,” Severus said suspiciously.
Sirius grinned easily. “I’ve always been half-afraid you’d hex me if I did... Severus.”
Severus arched an eyebrow. “Is there a reason I shouldn’t... Sirius?”
Sirius paused then patted his chest and stomach. “Hey, look at that,” he said with a grin. “Completely unhexed.”
Severus rolled his eyes. “That could be changed.”
“Nah, I’ll pass,” Sirius said with a laugh.
Severus snorted then arched an eyebrow at Sirius. “So what are you after, Sirius? Don’t think I’ve forgotten.”
Sirius stared at Severus for a moment then gave a short, barking laugh and shook his head. “Ah, nothing. Don’t mind me. I’m just in a weird place tonight.”
Severus arched an eyebrow then snorted. “Given you are in the Room of Requirement, ‘weird place’ hardly seems an adequate description,” he said, deliberately misunderstanding Black’s words.
Sirius gave him a sudden sharp look then let out another of those sharp, barking laughs. “Yeah, you might be right.”
Chapter 4
Title: Twist of Fate (3/?)
Rating: PG at the moment
Pairings: None yet but they're coming - probably some canon, some not, slash is likely in future chapters
Summary: What if instead of solidifying the enmity between the Marauders and Snape, the incident in Sixth Year created something of an epiphany in James? What if he saw how dangerous their pranks were becoming, how Sirius had nearly killed Snape and how utterly unfair Dumbledore had been? What if he decided it was time things changed?
Disclaimer: Unfortunately Harry and his friends and teachers are not mine. I wish they were though.
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2
Chapter 3
James paced back and forth across the length of the Room of Requirement, which looked like a mix of the Gryffindor common room and James’ living room at home. The boy’s face with pulled into a fierce scowl and he was running his hand through his hair almost constantly.
“Bloody hell, Prongs. Sit down,” Sirius said with exasperation from where he was slouched on a fat, squashy couch, Remus sitting beside him. “You’re starting to look like a Head Boy.”
James looked down reflexively at the Head Boy badge pinned to the front of his school robes. He still hadn’t gotten used to seeing it and he couldn’t imagine what the Headmaster had been thinking by choosing him. Lily didn’t seem too pleased either. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair again as he stopped pacing and threw himself into one of the armchairs.
“He’s late.”
“He’s probably just having a little difficulty getting away,” Remus said calmly. “You know Slytherins are more suspicious than Gryffindors.”
James’ reply was interrupted by the door opening and Severus slipping quickly into the room. The Slytherin looked around the cheerful room with a scowl then stalked over and collapsed into one of the empty armchairs.
“You look like hell,” James said bluntly. It was nothing but the truth. Severus looked paler than usual, drawn and harried. James could swear that he was even thinner than he’d been the last time they’d seen him in the holidays.
“Why, thank you,” Severus said sardonically. “You’re too kind.”
James gave him an irritated look. “Well, you do,” he said with a hint of petulance before shaking away the mood. “Is everything alright? Or as alright as it’s going to be?”
Severus grimaced and actually sprawled a little further in the armchair. The three Gryffindors had never seen him sit like that and all three suspected it had more to do with exhaustion than relaxation.
“Moody’s lessons were effective,” he said grimly. “He thinks I am something of a prodigy when it comes to Occlumency. I believe am simply highly motivated. Either way, the lessons have been effective.”
“You’ve met... him,” James said, looking unhappy.
“Three days before we returned to school,” Severus said with a curt nod.
“Have you joined?” Sirius asked. He looked uncomfortable and grim.
Severus shook his head. “No. He wants to wait until after I have left Hogwarts. He puts some sort of mark on his followers and he doesn’t want Dumbledore to get wind of it.” He sighed irritably. “And before you ask, no, I do not know what the mark is or where it goes. He didn’t feel that I should know that sort of information.”
“Is he going to leave you alone during the year?” Remus asked.
Severus shook his head. “Of course not. He doesn’t want me having any second thoughts, does he?”
“But he used Legilimency on you?” James asked, turning the conversation back to where he wanted it.
“Yes,” Severus said with a visible shudder.
“Merlin,” James muttered, running his hand through his hair yet again. “Was it... bad?”
“It was unpleasant,” Severus said in a tone of voice that did not invite any further questions.
There was a moment of silence in the room then Remus spoke carefully, “Are you going to be able to get away much this year?”
Severus was staring into the fireplace as he nodded. “Slughorn’s given me a private laboratory this year. The doors warded so that only he and I can open it since he’s going to let me do some substantial experimentation this year. It’ll be easy enough to claim that I have been there and easy enough to sneak out and come here. I know the dungeons better than any of the other Slytherins.”
“Good,” James said with a small grin. “Playing pranks wouldn’t be anywhere near as much fun without you to add that completely despicable Slytherin touch.”
Severus gave him a sardonic look. “I was of the opinion that the Head Boy is supposedly be an example of what students should be like, not a walking example of ‘don’t be like this boy’.”
James pretended to look hurt as Sirius and Remus laughed. “Hey! I resemble that remark.”
“I know,” Severus replied still in that sardonic tone.
James folded his arms across his chest and affected a superior look. “Huh, I don’t care what any of you think. I’ll be the best damn Head Boy Hogwarts has ever seen and in doing so I’ll dazzle Evans with my brilliance and she’ll finally say yes when I ask her out.”
James grinned at Sirius and Remus, who were both laughing. Remus had his eyes on James but Sirius had glanced over at Severus and only he saw the brief look of pain, loneliness and hurt on the other boy’s face when Lily Evans’ name was mentioned before it was replaced with a look of mild irritation. Sirius tucked that look away for later thought then turned back to teasing James.
“The only way you’ll be dazzling Evans is with the reflection from your glasses,” Sirius said with a grin.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” James grumbled good-naturedly. Given the expression on Lily’s face when they’d met after the Welcoming Feast, Sirius was more likely to be right than he was, still he wasn’t going to give up hope and maybe he could convince her that Severus was alright. They’d been friends after all and it was kind of his fault that they weren’t anymore. Severus was going through hell right now and he deserved to have his friend back. The thought made James feel good and he vowed he’d make it happen somehow.
Severus sat in one of the large, comfortable armchairs the Room of Requirement had conjured and steadfastly ignored the way it had manufactured something that was a strange mix of the Gryffindor and Slytherin common rooms. Instead he concentrated on reading his Transfiguration textbook in preparation for class tomorrow. He wasn’t due to meet the Gryffindors tonight but all of them had taken to using the Room of Requirement as a way of escaping from the pressures of their final year.
In his case it was also an escape from the constant pressure from outside the school, something that had not abated in the two months since they’d returned. He received an owl every week from Lucius and semi-regular owls from Rodolphus, Rabastan and other senior Death Eaters. It seemed that Voldemort had no intention of letting him go now that he’d gotten his claws into him.
The door to the room suddenly opened and Severus’ hand went immediately to his wand as he tensed and waited for whoever it was to enter. It should be one of the Gryffindor boys since he’d instructed the Room of Requirement to only permit them to enter but it wasn’t out of the realms of possibility that it could be someone else.
“It’ll be fine,” came the voice of James Potter shortly before the boy in question appeared. He seemed to be holding someone’s hand. “We use this place all the time. The house elves call it the Come and Go Room but it’s actually the Room of Requirement.”
James’ companion walked into the room with a very dubious expression on her face and Severus paled, a myriad of emotions flooding through him at the sight of her with James. Pain, hurt, loneliness, loss, anger, despair, jealousy and even a hint of hatred swirled around inside before he managed to school his expression into a blank mask and close his book with a bang.
James jumped at the sudden sound and whirled around, his eyes widening when he saw that the room already had an occupant… which kind of explained the décor. It wasn’t quite what he’d been aiming for after all.
“Bloody... Severus,” he said with surprise. “What are you doing here?”
“Studying,” Severus said archly as he held up his Transfiguration book, determinedly not looking at Lily. He didn’t want to know what expression she had on her face. He was certain he wouldn’t like it. “McGonagall mentioned a quiz tomorrow and I would like to be prepared for it.”
James relaxed and snorted. “As if you wouldn’t be. You’re third in the class at Transfiguration,” he said with a grin.
A look of confusion grew on Lily’s face as she watched the interaction between the two boys. Only yesterday lunchtime, the two of them had been at each other’s throats, snarling vile insults and threats at each other. But now they seemed to be... well, friendly, even apparently teasing each other. It was bizarre.
Her gaze drifted over to Severus and concern immediately washed over even though she tried to be irritated. She’d thought her former best friend had been looking even paler and more stressed than usual when she’d seen him in the Great Hall but he went to great lengths to stay well away from her so she hadn’t been able to confirm it. But now that she could see him close up, her thoughts were confirmed. What in Merlin’s name had Severus been doing to get himself into that state? She frowned; she’d promised herself she wasn’t going to care about someone who would call her such a horrible name. A tiny voice piped up that he had apologised and he had been sincere, she knew him well enough to see that, and she frowned and pushed that thought away.
“James?” she said warily, looking back at her fellow Gryffindor.
James ran a hand through his hair and wondered how he was going to explain this. Moody had been so adamant that they not tell anyone but he’d forgotten to keep up the illusion when he’d seen Severus here because he wasn’t used playing the role here. The Room of Requirement was their place. The only damn place in the school where they could just be themselves.
“I... believe Lily can be trusted,” Severus said in a neutral tone.
James looked over at the other boy and saw how steadfastly Severus was avoiding looking at Lily. A determined expression grew on James’ face and he pulled Lily further into the room and closed the door.
“You’re right, Severus,” he said, gaining a startled look from Lily. He gestured for Lily to sit down on the couch and joined her. He then took a good look at Severus and frowned. “Merlin, Severus, are you actually sleeping at all at night?”
Severus scowled at him. “Of course I am.”
“Because you look like hell,” James said bluntly.
“You’re too kind,” Severus said snidely. He was well aware of what he looked like. He didn’t much care for looking at himself in a mirror but he did on occasion and he knew he looked drawn and his skin was so pale it almost looked sallow.
“Severus,” James said with exasperation.
Severus sighed and leaned back in his armchair. “What did you expect?” he asked with a mix of weariness and annoyance.
“Would someone like to tell me what’s going on here?” Lily said, looking at the two boys with irritation.
James rubbed the back of his neck and gave her a sheepish look. “Ah, sorry. It’s... well, it’s kind of a long story.”
He slowly detailed the incident on the full moon last year, what Sirius had done, what he had done and how he’d started thinking afterwards. He told her about the approach to Severus and how they’d formed a very unlikely but very real friendship. He then continued on about the events of the summer, the deaths of Severus’ parents and the plan they were going ahead with. By the time he finished, Lily’s eyes were wide and she had one hand over her mouth as she stared at James.
She slowly turned and stared at Severus. The Slytherin boy was staring at the floor, his hair falling forward and shielding part of his face. He was still and silent and what could be seen of his face was utterly blank.
Lily hardly knew what to think. It was obvious from James’ expression and Severus’ reaction that it was only the truth she’d been told. Part of her was so angry with Severus for even thinking about joining the Death Eaters. She’d told him how horrible those ‘friends’ of his were. But there was another part that was slowly getting larger that was asking very quietly whether part of this was her fault. That if she hadn’t turned her back on Severus, hadn’t robbed him of the one friend who wasn’t neck deep in the Death Eaters, that maybe he would have turned away before it all went to hell.
“Severus?” she asked softly and watched as Severus raised his head slightly, giving her a wary look as though he expected her to start yelling at him. The stubborn, unrelenting part of her just crumbled at that and she suddenly suspected that that quiet voice in her head was more right then she wanted to admit.
“Oh, Sev,” she said in a tear-filled voice. She leapt out of her chair and hurried over to where Severus was sitting. She leaned down and despite the awkward angle she threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly. She felt him stiffen in her embrace but she just held on until he slowly relaxed and returned it. He’d never been good with people touching him but you just had to persist and let him realise you weren’t going to hurt him.
“I’m so sorry,” she said when she finally let him go. “I was angry and you apologised and you meant it, I know you did, and I was such a bitch and can you ever forgive me?”
Severus gave her a startled look then ducked his head for a moment. When he raised his head again, he looked somehow more relaxed and yet still so tense. But still, there was a small smile on his face, one of the few genuine smiles James had ever seen on the other boy.
“Of course,” he said quietly.
Lily relaxed and grinned. “But you’re going to torment me about it forever, aren’t you?”
Severus straightened and arched his eyebrow. “I am a Slytherin.”
Lily laughed then returned to the couch. She sat there and stared at the floor for a moment then turned to James.
“So that... argument between the two of you yesterday was just a... a fake?”
James grinned and nodded. “It was Severus’ idea to keep up the illusion of us being enemies. I’m not sure I like that but I guess he’s got a point. It’d make things really difficult for him at the moment if You-Know-Who suspected we were friends.”
“As opposed to the difficulty I currently find myself in?” Severus said archly, setting his book aside and settling more comfortably in his chair.
“Well, yeah, but at least he thinks you’re loyal,” James replied. “He might doubt that a bit more if he knew we were friends.”
“Sev, are you sure this is wise?” Lily asked, her voice filled with worry. “And how did you end up in this situation anyway?”
“I have no choice,” Severus said flatly. “As for how I ended up here... many reasons.”
Lily looked troubled. “Was what I did part of that?”
Severus looked away. In a sense Lily’s complete rejection of him had pushed him towards Avery and Mulciber and the Death Eaters because he’d simply had no other option but he didn’t really want to admit that to her.
“Not a large part,” he said quietly.
“But a part,” Lily said unhappily.
Severus hesitated then nodded, still not looking at Lily.
Lily sighed then gave James a small, sad smile when he placed his hand on top of hers. Neither of them saw Severus glance over at them, see their joined hands and wince, pain flickering through his eyes before he looked away again.
“It doesn’t matter now,” Severus said brusquely. “What’s done is done.”
Lily nodded slowly. “I still regret it and I am sorry.”
Severus gave her a tiny quirk of a smile. “Redhead’s temper.”
Lily laughed quietly. “Yeah, maybe. Stupid reason though.”
James was watching them through this with interest and just a little touch of the old green-eyed monster. It was obvious that the two of them had a history, it was there in the way they talked to each other and the way Severus allowed Lily to touch him so easily. He just wished he and Lily could be like that.
Suddenly Lily affected a very arch and amused look. “I told you Avery and Mulciber were bad news.”
Severus rolled his eyes. “Yes, mother,” he said sardonically.
“Do you really want to call me that?” Lily said, her eyes narrowing.
Severus pretended to consider it then smirked. “Yes, I do.”
Lily glared at him then laughed and gave him a mock-scowl. “You’re impossible, Sev.”
James grinned at the Slytherin. “Hey, do I get to call you Sev as well?”
Severus arched an eyebrow. “No, you do not,” he said primly. “You have not known me since we were nine.”
James laughed and decided that they had to come up with a nickname for Severus. Their nicknames came from their animagus forms and they sure as hell couldn’t use Snivellus but he was sure they could think of something.
He put that thought aside for now and concentrated on what was going on between Severus and Lily. It was a little tentative at times, occasionally hesitant but it really looked like two friends reconnecting. James felt pretty damn pleased about that even if this wasn’t quite the way he’d meant to do this.
Severus curled up in the large comfortable armchair the Room of Requirement had provided and glared at the rest of the room. Once again it had provided something that looked like a mix between the Slytherin and Gryffindor common rooms and he wondered what exactly was going through his mind that brought it about because he was fairly certain he was thinking about the Slytherin common room when he came here.
At least none of the teachers was likely to find him in the Room of Requirement and that was the main reason he’d chosen to hide here. Why Dumbledore had insisted on throwing a Yule Ball this year was beyond him. He’d have gone home to avoid it but home would put him within easy access of Lucius and the other Death Eaters and as bad as a Yule Ball was, it was far preferable to spending Christmas at the Malfoys or at some other Death Eater event. At least here he could hide.
He’d ensured that Slughorn couldn’t single him out and complain as well. He’d turned up, made sure his Head of House knew he was there and then found a dark corner to hide in. He’d only left when he’d seen Lily dancing with James, laughing and clearly enjoying herself enormously. He knew she’d be irritated with him for not at least talking to her but he just couldn’t stand there are watch her with James. It was things like that made him wish he still hated the Gryffindor boy. It would be so much easier if he did instead of having to pretend that he was pleased that Lily was going out with James.
The sound of the door opening dragged him out of his thoughts and he turned the glare he’d been directing at the rest of the room on whoever had just walked in the door.
“Whoa! Put that thing away,” Sirius said, holding up his hands, the edge of a grin lurking on his face.
Severus grumbled and turned to stare into the fireplace. He heard Sirius walk over and flop down into the armchair opposite his.
“So you seem to be as thrilled as I am about this ball thing,” Sirius observed.
Severus gave Sirius a suspicious look. “I would have thought you’d be in your element,” he said with a sneer. “Don’t you change girlfriend or boyfriend every other week? Shouldn’t you be trawling the crowd for a new one?”
Sirius shrugged and stared into the fireplace. “Nah, I’ve been out with everyone interesting who’ll have me. The rest are boring or evil or annoying.” He sighed. “Besides it’s no fun this time. Prongs is too busy mooning over Evans. Moony’s too busy mooning after Sarah and Peter’s actually managed to find himself a girlfriend as well. James didn’t even want to play a prank on the Slytherins.”
“Poor Black. Left all alone,” Severus said mockingly though he had noted the slightly bitter tinge to Black’s words.
Sirius snorted then gave Severus a long, intense look. “You’re in love with Evans, aren’t you?”
Severus froze for a moment then he scowled. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Thought so,” Sirius said with a nod.
Severus’ scowl deepened and he abruptly turned to stare at the fire. “What does it matter?” he said bitterly. “She has never seen me as anything other than a friend.”
“Is that bad?”
Severus was silent for a long moment then shook his head. “She was my first friend. I would rather have her friendship than nothing. I have done that once already.”
Sirius nodded even though Severus wasn’t looking at him. “Ever thought that way about anyone else?”
Severus snorted as he continued to look into the fire. “Does it matter if I had? I am well aware of what I look like, Black.”
“Looks aren’t everything,” Sirius said lightly.
“This from the man who could be the definition of handsome,” Severus sneered.
Sirius arched an eyebrow. “You noticed?” he said with a grin.
Severus twitched then gave Sirius a short, snide look. “Given the sheer amount of stupidity so often displayed by the girls in our classes, how could one avoid it?”
Sirius however had noticed that twitch and he leaned forward slightly. “But you noticed?”
Severus froze then he gave Sirius a narrow-eyed look. “What are you after, Black?”
“My first name?” Sirius replied.
“You don’t use mine,” Severus said suspiciously.
Sirius grinned easily. “I’ve always been half-afraid you’d hex me if I did... Severus.”
Severus arched an eyebrow. “Is there a reason I shouldn’t... Sirius?”
Sirius paused then patted his chest and stomach. “Hey, look at that,” he said with a grin. “Completely unhexed.”
Severus rolled his eyes. “That could be changed.”
“Nah, I’ll pass,” Sirius said with a laugh.
Severus snorted then arched an eyebrow at Sirius. “So what are you after, Sirius? Don’t think I’ve forgotten.”
Sirius stared at Severus for a moment then gave a short, barking laugh and shook his head. “Ah, nothing. Don’t mind me. I’m just in a weird place tonight.”
Severus arched an eyebrow then snorted. “Given you are in the Room of Requirement, ‘weird place’ hardly seems an adequate description,” he said, deliberately misunderstanding Black’s words.
Sirius gave him a sudden sharp look then let out another of those sharp, barking laughs. “Yeah, you might be right.”
Chapter 4